Learn to Program with Asher @ FurDev

Welcome to Programming with Asher!

Come on in! Wow, I'm glad you're here 'cause it's always nice getting visitors. Well, I'm Asher and this is my humble abode of programming magic, and life appreciation. I assume you've stopped by to start your journey towards computer wizardry, as my grandma likes to call it, so I'll just get right to it. To the right you'll see the navigation menu, from there you should be able to get to the rest of the site. Below is the latest news in blog form about all sorts of things!

Anyways, I'm not kicking you out or anything, in fact stay as long as you want (I can stay up all night, don't worry - wait, no I can't), buuuut... I don't have too much more to say here for now. So... nice meeting you, and goodbye!

"Beauty is the purgation of the superfluous." ~ Michelangelo

Sincerely, your friend,

Asher

For More Information: The Introductory Post

Old ’00s Journal Entry 282 3/24/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-24 09:52:06

Love and Peace!

This shows an old illustration Asher made showing the kemenikar, a variation on the swastika.

The Legendary Rainbow Kemenikar

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 281 3/24/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-24 02:54:17
Asher has suggested an iMix for you on iTunes

This is an iMix of the songs that have caught my fancy or that I’ve remembered in the past six weeks since I moved to Westminster. Please look, listen, rate, and enjoy! :-D

Westminster Rivulets

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPublishedPlaylist?id=287127

Download iTunes at http://www.apple.com/itunes/download/

iTunes is happily for Mac and Windows.

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 280 3/23/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-23 10:39:12
Requisite Work 99 – To James Dallas Egbert III

To James Dallas Egbert III
© 2005 A. C. Gmork Labyrinthian Kadran X. H.

In your walls you tried to communicate
With poems you tried to reach out
Being sixteen and a prodigy
In the seventies was hard no doubt
Found solace in those who were cast out
And considerable dreams in your books
At twelve the country needed you
The reigns of the Air Force you took
D&D computer simulations
Were easy for you to construct
When it came to your own life Dallas Egbert
You were never fully equipped
When it came to evading policemen
You could only use your dick
Because in the end dear Dallas
For all the intellectual might you possessed
You were not of this world full of malice
You were only love one had to protect
I’m sorry you had to leave us
I would have liked to meet you so
I’m sorry the world was full of creatures
And you you were the only soul.

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 279 3/22/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-22 14:41:05

Quote from http://www.capmag.com/article.asp?ID=4172

In October of 1933 Hitler walked out of the World Disarmament Conference, and renounced the League of Nations. He said that he would return when the principle was accepted that he had an equal right to national self-determination, including armed forces. The British could not resist this claim. In February 1934 Foreign Minister Sir John Simon told the House of Commons that “Germany’s equality of rights could not be resisted.” Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain would state more than once that “the principle of self-determination” was what his policy was designed to achieve, and that Germany’s claim to this was unimpeachable.

Conceding the principle involved, the British granted Hitler’s claim to this right. They sent out negotiators to quibble over the amount. The result was an agreement to allow the Germans a navy that was 35% the size of the British fleet.

Well, what’s the problem? Such a navy could not beat Britain. The agreement did not require the British to give up anything; it actually gave them time to build more weapons. It was not like surrendering to a burglar totally; it was allowing a burglar to have a pistol while you have a shotgun. Perhaps Hitler could be enticed to return to the League as he promised. Perhaps the Fuehrer just wanted a few allusive carrots, to feed his metaphorical horses.

This was, of course, a surrender of everything. By accepting the 35% figure—which was proposed by Hitler—the British granted him the status of a legitimate leader. They accepted that he had a “right” to weapons on principle. They empowered Hitler’s aggressive generals and diminished the “moderates.” They told him that he could get away with murder. A few months later, he marched into the Rhineland unopposed; the British appealed to the League of Nations. Germany erupted in celebrations, and Hitler won a resounding democratic plebiscite that strengthened his rule and eliminated opposition.

In concrete terms, the British concessions allowed him to re-tool his factories—a job that took years—so that he could start pumping out the weapons once he decided that he no longer had to ask. In allowing him to build even one ship, they granted him the factories and machine tools needed to build a thousand ships.

Every point of this applies directly to Iran. It is irrelevant that the Iranians are not asking for an actual bomb; they are claiming, as a right, everything needed to produce one. Paralyzed by the need for consensus, Mr. Bush is doing exactly what the British did in 1935 (and that Mr. Kerry promised in the campaign): to appeal to the “international community”, to use diplomacy rather than military action, to offer “incentives” to Iran, and to value an international consensus over a forthright, independent defense of America.

By granting the Iranians time to negotiate, Mr. Bush is allowing them to build more underground facilities, and to take giant steps towards producing the bombs.  He is empowering the hard-liners inside Iran, and allowing the regime to build nationalistic support while suppressing dissent internally.

Most of all, Mr. Bush has conceded America’s sovereign right to prevent our sworn enemies from gaining the kind of weapons needed to vaporize American cities.

Perhaps Mr. Bush will do more before it is too late. Perhaps he will tacitly help Israel end the threat. But we have no evidence to support this—there has been no military build-up and UN begging, akin to the year before the Iraq invasion—so we will just have to take him on faith.

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 278 3/19/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-19 03:21:58

I got Excel Saga, the complete collection, today. It is wonderful. I didn’t notice this before but in Episode 1 when she’s talking about how she’ll do anything for Lord Illpalazzo (Lord Palace?), such as strip (off her skin), puke, etc. She goes into a pose about taking over the world and has red swastika in her eyes. I thought that it was funny I hadn’t noticed it before.

Oh, and in 1999 Nintendo discontinued a JAPANESE language Pokémon card because it had the ‘manji’ on it, otherwise known as a ‘reverse swastika’ or ‘swavastika’, or to those uninformed: ‘a backwards Nazi symbol’. They were worried that it might offend Jewish individuals and Holocaust survivors (I will bet they pressured Nintendo of America to do so). I guess it doesn’t matter that the card is a Japanese language card and that the symbol actually fits in culturally representing good luck, and Buddhist temples.

“They’re so cute!!! But who cares about that!”

LOL

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 277 3/18/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-18 11:19:40
Morality is Possible Without God? How Can This Be!?

IRVINE–The idea that morality is impossible without faith in God is an endlessly-repeated theme of several Fox News Channel talk show hosts. “This idea must be challenged,” said Dr. Yaron Brook, executive director of the Ayn Rand Institute.

“It implies that man has no reason or purpose to be moral; it implies that no rational standard of morality is possible; it implies that in questions of morality man must suspend reason and blindly submit to faith or blindly obey some authority’s ‘revelations’ or ‘mystical insights.’ To imply that we have no earthly reason to be moral is profoundly immoral.

“The purpose of morality,” said Dr. Brook, “is to discover and teach the principles that lead to life, achievement, happiness, success, joy. There is only one means to discover and understand these principles: reason. A proper morality, one for living on earth, requires rationality and independence of soul, not faith and obedience to self-appointed interpreters of an alleged omnipotent being. A proper morality looks not to the supernatural but at man’s nature and the reason why he needs values–and then defines the values he must reach and the virtues he must practice to reach them.

Dr. Brook concluded: “Properly understood, not only does morality not require faith in God–morality is incompatible with faith in God. The moral is the rationally accepted and chosen, not the mindlessly believed and followed.”

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 276 3/18/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-18 09:48:37
Okay… this is wierd.

On October 31st, 2003, I wrote these two entries in my journal:

ENTRY 1

ENTRY 2

Then… on October 31st, 2004, I met Maus Merryjest my boyfriend. :-D I like that.

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 275 3/18/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-18 07:59:40
I could live in The Neverending Story!

This would be so cool to have.

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 271 3/17/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-17 08:11:08
Congratulations Me!

I won! And I also proved Kevin correct.

I got a programming job that pays $1,000 a month! That’s right, a PROGRAMMING JOB. My DREAM JOB.

I didn’t have to go to some stupid college or university ( *ahem* University of Colorado at Boulder ) to do it, like I thought I’d have to. I was able to pull it off by what I have tought myself (which is basically, computer science wise, everything).

Thank you Kevin for your encouragement (though long overdue, the thank you that is), and thank you Maus for being my supportive mate and pointing out the wanted ad in the first place. I couldn’t have done it without you guys, or well, my parents.

This is a job I can even work from home, have terribly flexible hours, and has a huge potential (possibly a quadruple of what I’m making now).

On top of that, it’s a ‘gay-owned’ company and ‘gay-friendly’ so to speak. The name of it is Alternative Media Group. It is wonderful, I am very excited.

Yay!!! ^.^ <- Happy Wolfie

Now Wolfie go to sleepy with Tiger…

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 274 3/17/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-17 15:34:31
Quotes…

“And not only do democrats defend abortion as a “constitutional right”, they want all people who are not male (Note to United States: Democrats also support sexism) to be able to get an abortion, and will even help pay for it with the money of people who, like myself, say abortion is murder. Man, it’d be nice to use some of that money for something else like missile defense against North Korean nukes.” ~ Exile17

Wait a second… MEN CAN GET ABORTIONS!?!? Holy cow, this must be a part of my anatomy I have been totally unaware of up until now.

“So, what the democrats really support is segregation. But this time, they want to add gays and straights with their already segregated groups: blacks and whites.

“Yes, you read that right, democrats, just like in the pre-Civil War days, support segregation between blacks and whites, not to mention Hispanics, Indians, and Asians. But this time, instead of using slavery to keep blacks on the plantation, they’re using affirmative action to get unqualified minorities into jobs they don’t deserve and schools they shouldn’t be attending.” ~ Exile17

Oh wait, okay, I see… if ‘straights’ want to enter into a union between each other, that’s okay, but if ‘gays’ want to enter into a union with each other, that’s not okay. And THAT’S not segregation, oh no… that’s just moral value.

“These democrats also want to spend your money on people without jobs who are “too unable” to get jobs and people without health care who are “too poor” to get health care.” ~ Exile17

I don’t know about the whole ‘too unable’ to get jobs, but I do know that those who are ‘too poor’ to get health care isn’t always what it appears to be. There are those of us, who because of our unalterable medical conditions, are automatically denied individual health insurance. I could AFFORD individual health insurance, but I can’t GET IT because I’m bipolar (individual health insurance denies coverage for those diagnosed or taking medication for bipolar for up to five years after the condition has… I guess dissipated? Which does not happen usually.) That’s why there’s group insurance, but you have to either A) have a proper job that offers medical benefits to get group insurance (which MUST cover everybody), or B) use CoverColorado (in Colorado) which is the State sponsored group insurance… and also terribly expensive comparatively.

I WAS an insurance agent for 2 years. I KNOW what I’m talking about. I had to tell so many people they were denied or couldn’t get individual health insurance because of their conditions, it was sad. Particularly mental health conditions, but there’s also things like gout, and other chronic diseases.

As for the other political things, those of you who follow the journal more closely know that I am NOT a Republican, nor a Democrat, but very much a Libertarian. I like to think of myself as an independent thinker who subscribes to Objectivism. I just thought I’d comment on those things.

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 273 3/17/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-17 14:48:29

Erick talks in Binary!

Cool…

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 272 3/17/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-17 09:59:52
What Asher is…

Just for clarification: I am actually not related to any of these links.

I am a Christian Rock Band

I am a Seller of Rare Books and Atlases specializing in Travel and Botany

I am a Maker of Custom Wooden Crafts

I am a Support Website for Munchauson Syndrome by Proxy

I am a An Artist who Died in 1886

I am a Modern Political ‘Tribe

I am a Confectionaries Company

I am a Web Design Firm

I am a Magic Trick Product

I am a Future Jewelry Company

I am a Wedding Photography Studio

I am a Biblical Person

I am a Contemporary Sculptor

I am a Music Group

I am a Public School

I am a Guitar Seller

I am a Craniosynostosis Information Page

I am another Web and Graphic Design Firm

I was named after This Book

I am a Center for Study and Treatment of Depressive Disorders

I am a Accounting and Consulting Firm

I am The Greatest Thing Since 80s Synth Pop

I am a Real Estate Agency

I am a Business Author

I am a City in Oklahoma

I am a Wisconsin Math Major who likes Scrabble

I am a Geneology Hobbyist

I am Some Kind of Music Site

I am a Computer Science Master, 2nd Year

I am an Interactive Voice Response Technology Company

I am a Jewish-centric Blog and Another Random Blog

I am another Band of Some Sort

I am an Entry in the Encyclopedia

I am a Christian Science college Student Foundation

I am a Dictionary Entry

I am a Physics Technician/Professor(?) who I think… died this year?

I am a New Zealand Based Blog

I am a Canadian Contemporary Artist

I am a Wikipedia Entry

I am a Programmer Who Likes To Make Free Software

I am an Israeli Font DesignerTwice!

I am a Female Blogger

I am a Jewish Prayer (Note: To be recited in the morning, and after going to the bathroom… x.x)

I am a Professor of Mechanical Engineering

I am a Elementary School (Note: Named after a colonel who fought for the colonial army during the Revolutionary War)

I am Some Kind of Guitar… Maybe?

I am a Design and Marketing Firm

I am a Limousine Company

I am a Cemetary near Oates, Missouri

I am a Blog With a Domain Name

I am a Contemporary Craft Gallery

I am a Pennsylvanian High School Tennis Player

I am a Web Design Firm from Singapore

I train for Computerised Accounts

I am a Home Page at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem in the Department of Psychology

I am a Computer Science Student

I am a College Football Player

I am another Professor, this time of Economics at the Northwestern University of Illinois.

I am part of a Young Investigator Award in Physiology

I am a German Band

I am a Role-playing Campaign Character (In what system I have no idea… Herowars?)

I am a Homepage

I am another Cemetary in Bell county, Kentucky.

I am… another Music Group, a Leather Distributor, an Architect, a Voice Over Artist, an Agricultural Researcher, a Politician, a Chemistry Research Group in Pittsburgh, a TV Actor, a Marvel Character?… couldn’t resist despite Asher being Mike’s last name, an Author, a Street in London in the borough of Tower Hamlets, another Author, a Contemporary Rock Band (that seems a popular choice), an Economist, Mentioned on the Radio? although I personally WAS on the Mike Rosen show, a Musical Artist? (also try sosolid.com), a Little Boy, an Editor, Jamie’s Cool Rock Star Uncle, an Israeli Cartoonist, a Rabbi (FINALLY!), a Town in Kentucky, an Advertising Firm, a Pokemon Fan who has artistic, and micro-country, aspirations (my type of guy!), a Boy with Mitochondrial Disease (my heart goes out to this young boy), a Music Conductor and Director, Inspired a Painting, a Beautiful Young Boy. a Sample Size Calculator, a Lifelong Unionist and Socialist (although I don’t know how you can be a socialist as a baby), an Amateur Photographer since the 1970s, a Beautiful Baby Boy (I love children!), and a  Computing Lab at Georgetown College

Whew! And I’m spent.

What kind of things are you?

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 270 3/11/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-11 01:52:30
Nice Lyrics

I’ll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You’ve been the only thing that’s right
In all I’ve done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we’ll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we’ll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can’t raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
We don’t have time for that
All I want’s to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We’re bound to be afraid
Even if it’s just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I’ll be right beside you dear

Current Music: Run – Snow Patrol

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 269 3/5/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-03-05 14:33:13
Requisite Work 98 – Living Forever

Living Forever
By A. C. Gmork Labyrinthian Kadran X. H.

When living forever, all who judge eventually die,
Ultimate judgments persist, out there between all of you.
Living forever there’s no judgment, only the truth set free,
Alive forever in divine mystery, an outcast my whole life,
Growing up caused me to realize it.
Living forever begins at birth, and it starts to catch steam,
Not playing football with all the other boys in elementary.
Alpha male playing with girls, tigers, and unicorns, oh my!
The lackadaisical father of a strewn out household,
Worn out brother, a son to a mother who was stricter than my own.
No help that the über-religious girl and I flew on swings,
First accidental vagina seen, covered with warts like her hands.
Sex education underneath sliding gazebos from new third-grade kids,
Solving the age old question: who would win between Freddy and Jason.
Confiscated encyclopedias came from Adam’s girl hands,
Naked people produced babies with visuals, post Mother May I,
Daydreaming if this sex thing was bad.
At Bible school watching Mother play skits, make crafts, it was true,
A hard dust-infested world took in a punished Adam and Eve,
Death now reigned, so sex made more babies for God to love,
So I believed that maybe, if I never had sex, I’d live forever.
Brother’s goldfish died, then he became paralyzed, no one gets away sin free.
But I finally figured out how to somehow do it anyway, maybe you will too,
Elementary boys yelled sissy, but I was too distracted,
Seven years old, already taught myself how to program computers,
Age doesn’t matter when you live forever.
Sitting on my hands, computer teacher loomed over the steps every, single, time.
I suppose someone had to keep the other students from feeling bad about themselves.
Double class size in sixth grade, same jacket every day, things rolled downhill,
Lowest in the illusory status quo gave me spongy put down’s.
First time in life I learned that Jews are half-dicked German oven mitts,
Mexicans are wetvac roaches, Native Americans are tee-pee creeping tontos,
The Amish are horse-beating bun runners, African-Americans are biscuit-lipped niggers,
That all the Southern trailer trash could kick our little Yankee asses.
To a second-generation Russian-German Hasidic-Jew descent,
Best friend Jewish, and the three black kids didn’t have big lips.
Southern seventh grade ears don’t like to hear a world that they just might fear,
So I spoke in his native tongue: Why don’t you take your dick out of your ass,
Stick it back in your mouth where it belongs?”
That’s when I learned that gays were faggot pussies, and that I was a butt-pirating Roo.
The I hate you’s don’t realize they love you more than the I love you’s,
Questioning yourself is better than never wondering in the first place.
Living forever lets you be distracted, when you live forever you can wait forever,
Eventually he too will die, not accepting object-oriented C++ into his heart,
Teaching me was impossible, living forever makes all knowledge yours eventually.
Valedictorians reigned, my father, my older brother, and my oldest brother almost.
Top male of my class, all girls above,
While Ian built lasers, and Asa solved differential equations,
I dreamed and very poorly drew animal-human half-breeds.
Pretended to be a vixen that could walk and talk.
Furry when the term didn’t exist, and a transvestite at that!
When you live forever, you can take on many forms.
High School boys told me I threw girly balls, no longer cared,
Bought my computer with money from years of 4-H animal slaughter,
White meat was going to be my ticket out of there,
Classical piano, Jazz Band, and Flute in Concert Band,
Going places, they’d see, taking all my weird friends with me,
Everybody pretended to like me, but living forever you know they’ll eventually die too.
I knew that my past girlfriends were talking, wondering why I didn’t kiss them,
Why they had to ask me out first, why I always broke up with them, one after another,
Too afraid to say no, too open minded, too hopeful,
Wondering why I was always with my fourth brother.
After math problems before a television haze,
As the tears ran down her face, I told Mother.
She warned me, but living forever often makes you deaf,
Cried in bathroom stalls that this love thing had turned out bad,
A much harder answer than sex, which by now, seemed like a very good idea.
Do dead relatives watch you masturbate? Living forever, you wonder things like that,
Love couldn’t be bad though, just the break-ups like those on TV.
In our parallel beds, opened my mouth, let the darkness seep in and spoke,
Told him about how I loved his sense of humor and creativity, to watch him from afar,
How I longed for an embrace with his perfect body in the glowing darkness,
Learning that living forever, even the relatives you love eventually become dust too.
Immortals tend to forget about rejection, six year courage dashed in a quarter hour,
Suddenly utterly shut out and alone in locker rooms, maybe I didn’t want to live forever,
Colorado University in Boulder, finally free, major and classes, to choose to sleep,
Free to poke fun at potheads, to wander around aimlessly for hours searching,
Free to do my homework at ungodly hours, to burst into tears at random,
Free to obsess on every sad thing that came, to go to the doctor to get an anti-depressant,
Just free enough to down them all to never wake up again.
That’s when I learned you’re never really free when you have no responsibility.
You can’t kill yourself when you live forever, but your mortal friends and family,
All share an emotional calling plan, and it isn’t pretty.
Seventy-two hours times four is two hundred eighty-eight hours.
Although surrounded by white, blood was all I could see,
Quiet rooms with no pads, window in door, camera ceiling,
Your own sheets to bolted down bed, your time to be observed,
Little grey personage seen by everyone inside the twenty-four.
Boy interrupted dyed black hair caused little boxes in heads, why obsessed with death?
Electro-shock reply, correction, I’m obsessed with all that pushes me to want to die.
Blond dyed hair made me a whole new person, born again.
An incredible universe when you’re different than most and know it,
Most predictable when you live forever.
Bipolar stuck, flapping wind prescriptions for mood stabilizers.
The difference was fact in mania: no sleep, dissect myself with a butcher knife,
Run farther away into the darker streets, run farther away from life,
A bit difficult to hold on when you keep waking up to a completely different one!
Mania isn’t everything; medication is no substitute for morality,
Sex with girlfriend’s fiancés isn’t exactly nice,
The universe is a closed circuit: my beloved brother later slept with my girlfriend.
Broke up with my last girlfriend, told her I was gay, thought she had made me that way.
Living forever, like I’d give a mortal I didn’t even kiss that power.
The bases are pretty well covered, full gravity of their meanings lend to you their weight,
Judged because I take medication, those who aren’t insane say I don’t really need it.
Do you see your Prozac nation? Your creation, not mine,
Those who need it have crashed against harder rock-bottoms than you.
Dependency on every three month prescriptions unaffordable medication is divine,
One of two prospects, the clear cold familiar face of possible faced-before tragedy,
Decision to down a pill becomes strikingly clear,
Living forever I already upset a natural world; is it not natural that a mind helps another?
Why are you sane and I am not? Why do you die and I live forever?
I guess we’re not all born equal under the sun.
That’s why America gives us equal opportunity to bring us together.
Insanity means the opportunity to be automatically denied individual health insurance,
Opportunity to never become a Police Officer, nor an agent of the CIA or the FBI.
Homosexuality means the opportunity to never serve in the military, unless I’m needed,
My partner with temporary student visa has the opportunity to be discriminated against,
Since people are reluctant to sponsor a work visa when they can get illegals for less,
Opportunity to not be able to marry my best girlfriend,
Not fitting into OUR government’s narrowly conceived box labeled Marriage,
It would be fraud, automatically assume a monogamous heterosexual lifestyle,
But don’t call it discrimination, call it upholding our American values.
Living forever? The opportunity to watch every one else slowly die and fade away.
Teachers say I could be genius, but off in my own direction, never really fit in,
Categories don’t need justifications, just qualifications.
Most hilarious is being a furry is the lowest of the geeky outcasts,
Gay furries for some reason want to recruit your children, make spectacles of themselves,
Ruin Saturday morning cartoons, and fuck animals.
That must mean I do too, but why stop there?
High intelligence is dangerous, since libertarian Randian laissez-fair capitalistic ideals,
Would topple our welfare state, ruining the pretenders of the religious right OR left
A terrorist couldn’t possibly just be a concerned citizen.
If you want to change the world, start with your own corner first,
Doesn’t matter, the direction you work, enlightenment will always be there,
They can’t take that away from you, yet, for the best, in the end, is not being bitter,
Thanking the ever hurt me’s and the cast me out’s enabling me to see,
Essentially enemies equally as allies, life as a brand new never possible way,
Similarities don’t bring us together, differences do,
Overcoming fear creates understanding, compassion and love,
When you live forever, you tend to fear nothing at all.
To the wronged, kindness is the best revenge; peace requires first peace.
Even in face of door to door comic strips depicting gays producing AIDs,
Witches burning babies, and role-playing games as recruitment tools,
For in Jack Chick’s bible, the meek will still inherit the Earth.
Mothers want to change the world, most never start with their children first.
If I raised a great child, it would be because she could learn so much from who I am,
Raising a despicable child though, would be just one more gay spreading immorality.
Does righteousness need a book, when righteousness wrote one in the first place?
The poets and dreamers, the gays and immigrants, the potheads and alcoholics,
The prostitutes and mentally ill, the disabled and challenged,
The disowned and the criminals, the immortally disenfranchised,
Are the meek outcasts of a society bent on raising the fourth reich.
Utmost first as individuals, we are unafraid, unashamed, to not live up
To the standards imposed on us by an ever-unyielding wail of bleak terror.
Living down, into the rain-washed streets called life, bringing peace to the peaceful.
My entire life has been on the outside looking in, never truly accepted as equal,
The Exile laughing at all hilarious, hurtful things people are to one another.
It will only stop as far as what I can change before you die,
Despite this poem, even you will die too, someday, eventually.
While you quickly decompose, returning to hardened dust in a blink of God’s eye,
I will be here under every gazebo, between every kiss, with every corrupted child,
The dust blown from the ground into everyone’s eyes, the rays of every morning,
I will be here cast out into this glass kaleidescope shell always looking in,
Through every crack, forever, through every piece of trash thrown out, living,
In every unrequited love should I always breathe, everlasting,
Forever living.

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Old ’00s Journal Entry 268 2/21/05

This is my old livejournal I found laying around my computer. I just thought, you know with my poetry and my seventh grade journal and everything, I could post is up here for posterity sake. I planned for this blog to be about my life and programming tutorials. I’m still working on the programming tutorials (as in, well, thinking about them). And all this old stuff, I guess is a good way to get to know me in a way. Mostly it helps me store stuff in a central location I want to look up later. So here goes. (Remember this is like 9-10 years ago):

2005-02-21 01:01:14

I have now completed half of phase 1 of moving. Now I need to re-establish a checking account at a bank (like Wells Fargo) and get the room organized and visit BigLots for shelves, and sign the lease etc. etc.

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